What is it that keeps most women from shunning their inhibitions in bed? What keeps holding them back every time they want to initiate love-making?
Yes! You guessed it right! Women often seem to be clueless about what men crave for in bed. What are the moves that turn a man on and what doesn't?
So, we got men talking about their wildest fantasies, their desires and what turns them on the most and here's what they had to spill...
The bold and the beautiful
Are you one of those shy gals when it comes to making the first move in bed? Do you expect your man to always take the lead and get you in the mood for sex? Well, may be it's time to step out of your stilettos and step into his shoes. Try doing all the things you want him to do to you between the sheets. Get out of the closet, initiate a prolonged foreplay session and take charge of him, for most men confess that women who simply lay back expecting the man to get going is a complete turn off.
Akash Chauhan (name changed on request), an IT professional, who works in South Africa, says, "I like women who take the lead. The bolder, the better. It makes the entire act even more enjoyable when the woman dominates. Women who are coy, don't speak up and just lay back waiting to have all the fun are a huge turn off for me. I think women must understand that men like to be pampered too."
Get it right: Manmeet Bhalla, a marriage and relationship counselor suggests, "It's only fair that men should expect women to assume charge in love-making. You can't always be demanding without putting in enough effort. Sex is an expression of love and if you don't express your needs and desires openly, it may lead your partner to believe that you are losing interest in him. Sex can only be enjoyed to the hilt if it's a two-way street."
It's not just dirty talking that turns on men, but dirty dancing too. So, once the lights are dim, put on some sexy numbers and get set to showcase some wild and erotic moves. It doesn't matter how good you are at it, as long as those sexy moves are enough to tease his senses and turn him on. So, get your feet tapping the next time you want to turn him on. Don your sexy lingerie and smell good to keep him from batting an eyelid.
Rohan Malviya (name changed on request), an advertising professional agrees, "I think dancing is a great turn on. I just love it when my girl dances on sexy numbers on the bed, or during a shower. The way she moves her fingers between my hair turns me on. Getting naughty adds more fun to love-making. Some good music and just me and her - gets me in the mood for action."
Get it right: Nanda Kundu, dance trainer and founder of Kiran's Dance in Rhythm, agrees, "Dancing is undoubtedly erotic. A lot of couples come to us to spark up their romance via dance. Dance helps them find a new way of bonding with each other. Whether it is salsa, cha cha cha, jive, swing jitterbug or rumba, it helps couples connect with each other at a sensual level."
What do men think of during sex?
Speak your mind
Women probably need to learn a lot from men when it comes to getting expressive in bed. Your bedroom is certainly the worst place to play guessing games and expect your man to know exactly what you want. Speaking your mind rather than assuming he knows it all, is what turns them on. So, the next time you are in action, say what you want and mean it.
"I simply hate it when my lady is not in the mood to have sex, but doesn't refuse just because she doesn't want to disappoint me. Faking it in bed turns me off. On some occasions, if my girl is upset or worried about something, she refuses to have sex expecting me to read her mind and know what is wrong. I think it's silly. How am I supposed to know everything on my own?" says Mayank Upadhay (name changed on request), a call centre employee from Mumbai.
Get it right: "Being expressive, sharing your fantasies, likes and dislikes is extremely important to keep the spark alive in a relationship. If you do not tell your man explicitly what is it that you want from him, you may end up sending him wrong signals. If you don't want to have sex on a particular day, candidly confess to your man instead of just having sex for the sake of it," adds Manmeet.
Fast and the furious
Majority of men have confessed that they hate sex the slow and steady way and would rather prefer some wild, fast and furious action. So, how about surprising him with some sizzling action between the sheets while exploring new hideouts where he would enjoy it the most? Think out-of-the-box and do it where he is least expecting it – be it on his bike, the garage or the backyard.
"Slow sex really puts me off. I think there is nothing more exciting and stimulating than a wild and stimulating sex session. I believe in keeping it short and sweet unlike my girlfriend. Moreover, she wants to spend more time in cuddling and caressing after sex, whereas I just want to go off to sleep," admits Rachit Agarwal (name changed on request), a marketing professional.
Get it right: Sunil Garg, an expert on sex-related issues explains, "While the intensity of love-making may differ from couple to couple, what is important is to have sex regularly. With hectic lifestyles and work pressure taking a toll, sex begins to take a back seat and connecting with your partner becomes very difficult, ultimately resulting in losing interest in sex."
Obsessed about your body?
Body image issues, particularly with women, is a major hindrance for satisfactory sex, believe most men. So, forget those love handles, flabby arms and stretch marks and instead focus on having a good time. Your weight and size won't matter to him as long as you are making the right moves and sounds, to strike the right chord with his pleasure zones. "What I like most about my wife is that she has no qualms about being overweight. She is innovative and doesn't mind taking the lead in bed. Her looks or weight has never kept her from having a good time in bed. It's her boldness to carry herself the way she is that turns me on," says Rajeev, manager at a bank in Noida.
Get it right: Jaishree Arora, a fitness trainer suggests, "While it is important to stay in shape and feel good about yourself, it is also important not to let your body image or flaws take a toll on your self-esteem. If you feel positive about yourself, you will let others feel positive about you too. It's important to send out the right signals."
What most women need to ask themselves is – 'What am I thinking about during sex? About asking children going to bed, the neighbours hearing you through the walls, getting up early next morning to prepare breakfast or the deadline to meet at the workplace? Most men admit to losing interest in sex because of divided attention. So, if you want to feel him hot and sizzling, all you need to do is – concentrate!
Atul Saxena (name changed on request), 32, a sales manager in a multinational company in Delhi admits, "My wife is more conscious of someone ringing the doorbell or the children waking up, or household tasks rather than concentrate on having sex. It really turns me off."
Get it right: "Most women have a tendency to get distracted during sex – whether it is focusing on mundane household tasks, children or the television. I think it is important to focus and keep all distractions away when you are with your partner. One should not treat sex like 'sex', but as a means of communicating and connecting with your partner," says Manmeet.