Thread: Just for Joke

Just for Joke

A frog phones the Psychic Hotline and is told, “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.” The frog gets excited at this prospect. It says to the psychic, “That’s great! Will I meet her at a party or what?” “No, not at a party,” said the psychic. “Next semester in her biology class.”


An Army sergeant calls a PFC in to tell him that he’s just been promoted to squad leader - and his first assignment is to tell Private Johnson that his mother died. The new squad leader assembles the company and says “Everyone whose mother is still alive, take one step forward…


Nurse’s note


This is part of what she wrote:

“Nurse’s note 06:20 Pt more restless and moving constantly in bed. Has received Ativan and Fentanyl… She is reporting stabbing back pains… she has repositioned herself repeatedly…”

Stabbing back pains…

Doctor felt something and pulled from beneath the middle of patient's lower back a pair of curved forceps.

.

Q: How can you differentiate the patient from the psychiatrist on a Psych ward?

A:T he patient gets better.

Dictionary of Medical Terms

Artery…………………………..The study of paintings.
Bacteria…………………………Back door to a cafeteria.
Barium………………………….What doctors do when patients die.
Benign………………………….What you be after you be eight
Cesarean Section…………….A neighborhood in Rome.
CTscan………………………….Searching for kitty.
Cauterize……………………….Made eye contact with her.
Colic…………………………….A sheep dog.
Coma……………………………A punctuation mark.
D & C……………………………Where Washington is.
Dilate……………………………To live long.
Enema…………………………..Not a friend.
Fester……………………………Quicker than someone else.
Fibula……………………………A small lie.
Genital…………………………..Non-Jewish person.
G.I.Series……………………….World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail…………………………What you hang your coat on.
Impotent…………………………Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain……………………….Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff……………………A doctor’s cane.
Morbid……………………………A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates………………………….Cheaper than day rates.
Node……………………………..I knew it.
Outpatient……………………….A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear………………………A fatherhood test.
Pelvis……………………………Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative…………………..A letter carrier.
Recovery Room…………………Place to do upholstery.
Rectum……………………………Darn near killed him.
Secretion…………………………Hiding something.
Seizure…………………………..Roman emperor.
Tablet……………………………A small table.
Terminal Illness…………………Getting sick at the airport.
Tumor…………………………….More than one.
Urine…………………………….Opposite of you’re out.
Varicose………………………….Near by / close by.