Thread: Medical Bloopers On Patient Charts!

MEDICAL BLOOPERS ON PATIENT CHARTS!

• The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
• The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.
• Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
• She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.
• The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
• Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid. (Long fingers?)
• Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
• A midsystolic ejaculation murmur heard over the mitral area.
• The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.
• Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
• She is numb from her toes down.
• Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.
• The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as stockbroker instead.
• When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
• Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.
• She has no rigors or chills but her husband says she was very hot in bed last night.
• She can't get pregnant with her husband, so I will work her up.
• Whilst in Casualty she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
• The patient states there is a burning pain in his penis which goes to his feet.
• On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.
• The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
• I will be happy to go into her GI system, she seems ready and anxious.
• Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.
• I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then, when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor.
• The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
• Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
• The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.
• Healthy-appearing, decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
• The patient has no past history of suicides.
• The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.
• Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
• Patient was becoming more demented with urinary frequency.
• The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
• She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
• The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with a picture of acute pulmonary oedema at home while having sex which gradually deteriorated in the emergency room.
• Patient has chest pains if she lies on her left side for over a year.
• He had a left-toe amputation one month ago. He also had a left-knee amputation last year.
• By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling much better.
• The patient is a 79-year-old widow who no longer lives with her husband.
• The patient refused an autopsy.
• Many years ago the patient had frostbite of the right shoe.
• The bugs that grew out of her urine were cultured in the Casualty and are not available. I WILL FIND THEM!!!
• The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her original complaints.

haha good post!

Lol! :P